You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
