Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
