The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she peed on how many people?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
