He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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