Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
