So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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