I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
