Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I need a beard to bite.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
