I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
