So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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