Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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