Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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