Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
