So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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