May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
