Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
