Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize