mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
