Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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