so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
