Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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