Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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