That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
