We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
