just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
