You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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