Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's the barista slut.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
