i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
