He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
