he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
