I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize