This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
