its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
