I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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