I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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