Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
