my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
