having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I pour the whiskey from now on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
