this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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