hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
