God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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