Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I miss vodka workout Fridays
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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