This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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