Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were trust falling into bushes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
