just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
