I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
