I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize