Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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