hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
