smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
