Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
