Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
