Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
