Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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