I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
