why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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