Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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