so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
