she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
