Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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