benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
