she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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