Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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