Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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