if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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