I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
