Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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