i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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