Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize