yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
