Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
