So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
