I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
