just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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