just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need water and some morals
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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