I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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