Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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