I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
