dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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