After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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