So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have fence marks all over my body
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
