just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
