Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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