Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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