She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
