I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
there is glitter all over my balls
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