Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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